progress

sometimes to build one has to destroy. to reach for the sky one has to leave the ground. Being average is easy being great is not.

We have a choice

it was no ones fault!! it was faith, tragedy !!
We're holding on to the pain because it's all we have left. We don't have to. We have a choice.

I am holding on to the pain the pain that took over me and i cant let it go
but i have a choice dont i?!

Today i realized something

I had my epiphany today. actually more than one :

1. There is someone who loves me in a very romantic way
2. There is someone i love but doesnt love me in that romantic way. She does trust me and i can be her best friend and make her happy and be there for her if she ever does need me for if we cant be the best of lovers we definitely can be the best of friends.
3. i have friends many i just never contact them as often as i should
4. for some reason i have lost my confidence in myself i know when it has started but i was never able to stop it fully i went down now i know why and how to get back on my feet i spent 3 years down there now i have to come back.

Please read the previous post

Thank you

I am probably very much used to people who take advantage of me, you are different.you make me feel a little better about myself.

My duty

I have generations of great people behind. I must climb higher i must change this darn mode of myself to a more active to a more responsible one. i know i can i just have to do it.

I am

Lost?!
Sad?
happy?
in love?!
crazy ?
depress?
drunk?
in search of smth?
btw i really want to read À la recherche du temps perdu again i didnt read one of the volumes and i think the title is the greatest title of all time and the book itself comes second only to roger martin du gard's Les Thibault, a roman fleuve and believe it or not i have hardly seen a single person who have read it beside the wiki page of Roger martin du gard is hardly a paragraph and damn it he has won a nobel prize ...
they say the world has changed for good but in 20s a writer would write les thibault and win today Mario Vargas Llosa and herta muller receive the prize!! how the hell is it a change for good?!

I love Wearing suits

I really love wearing suits. Suits are made for men to look good and i do wear them from time to time to school! In my school u can always get away with " I have an interview today " in my case it is not always the case but i say it anyway. i know it is a lie but i cant tell my classmates that i love wearing suits and especially pocket squares. i feel so much more confident when i know c'est dans la poche. ;)
Either way it felt great today to wear a suit.

Finally uploaded 1946-7 North of France

Grandfather 1947 France

iran

دلم مى خو اد باز به ايران برم . يه جا كه مردم همه فارسى حرف ميزنن. نميدونم شايد دليلش توهستى كه باز به ايران علاقه پيدا كردم . دلم مى خواد سره خاك عموم برم .

چنارهاى خيابون پهلوى ، لاله زار بازار زعفرانيه پيچ شمرون پارك ملت همه رو مى خوام بار ديگه پيدا كنم . شايد خودمم پيدا كردم اين وسط آدم ايده آليستى كه لباس پاره مى پوشيد چون مى خو است غم مردمو بفهمه. كتاب 24 ساعت در خواب و بيدارى بهرنگى منو وارد 3 ماه سيبزمنى پخته خوردن كرد كه هرچى بهم گفتن من از خر شيطون پاين نيومدم.. چقدر متفاوت بودم، شايد الان پيش عموم تو يه قبره 2 مترى خوابيده بودم اگه مونده بودم. اما باز چه كنم كه وسوسه ديدار مجدد از جانم جدا نمى شود.

Paris ?!

I am seriously considering a visit to paris the city where i have so much grand memories from. now the problem is if i go i can only stay for a few days. The house is gone the house at paris 16 where u could wake up to those great smells. Ahh paris paris the clean smell of Parisian mornings cafe's and all those lazy mornings. I made a promise to myself if i ever go to paris i will go in style if no apt i will stay in a nice hotel that means i wont be able to stay for long. So many of the first things i had done was in paris. the first time i went out with a girl the first night club mm what else oh the first drink i had the first CD i bought ( the ground floor of Galleries Lafayette do they still sell CD's? ) mm i should go and find out if many things are still the same. i ll go to paris for only few days but it will be nice i am sure where do i want to visit ?!

mmm i have to make a list Harry Bar?! yes ? The blue train where i went with my beloved grandpa in one afternoon?! maybe ?! Orsay ?! yes !! the sex museum at pigalle?! I will defiently go to Mullins rouge not for the ladies but for Henry de Toulouse-Latrec. I go to paris not to fall in love but to love again.

Hello Darkness

Hi there,

I had a great start i had a good day but now i dont feel as good?! !why is that so ?!

I want to smoke so bad .. i have to lose weight my waist is down to 32 now from 34 i have to reach 31 before i can go back for a modeling contract. I have had a contract before but then i gave up i just could nt live like that.. two of my friends are in the same modeling agency Marcus and Piere. last time i did it was 2 years ago.. the truth is for the first time in a long time i feel like i need money and for some reason i feel poor well i have 40 k in my account but i am suppose to keep it and stuff lol i dont remember what i am suppose to do .. anyways i havent bought much this year the last time i did major winter shopping was two w ago now i need to do some shopping and god there is so much i want the most expensive thing i have in mind is this gucci coat. ok here is the thing i know a great coat lasts u a long time.. i had one it worked well for the past three years but i cant decide if i want to buy it.. i am pretty boring right now

i hate myself i am cynical crazy angry and just unbearable as we speak so please keep urself out of my way..

when i was younger my mom told me if you really love somebody it is impossible for that person not to love you. I guess she really believed what she told me, but it was so untrue.

عکسها با دهن کجی بهم می گن
چشم امید و بِبُر از آسمون
روزا با هم دیگه فرقی ندارن
بوی کهنگی میدن تمومشون

You

How wonderful it is to listen to you talking. Your words flow in the air and i just cant reply properly because only because all i can think is to find a way to stop this very moment..

this moment of love and joy, for i never know when the next time would be. Only if you felt the same way, only if i could share this joy with you! only if you could feel the same wave of happiness i felt today.

On being understood

"Never doubt who you are " once he told me. People wont appriciate the person you are not becuase they are mean or anything but becuase they have hard time understaning what they see. Ehyeh Asher ehyeh god said when he was asked what his name is. I am who I am!
Being different means you have to deny who u are if you want to fit in. If you dont you have to deal with the hardship you will face. " One day you will rise beyond their imagination and then they will recognize you and see what they should have seen long before"

HAppy days

My blog is depressing. I should change the background picture. Everything is good and nice i am in love and life is so beautiful why should my blog look so gloomy?

i cut my hair no i cut my hair for real now my hair is hardly an inch long..

i am not kidding!! I look very masculine. My face has changed a lot.